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10 Ways To Build A Good Relationship With Anyone – Quick!

Establishing a good relationship, having people like us and remembering each other thoroughly, is an invaluable skill. Whether you’re in a business, a friendship, a relationship, a sale, or just want to be loved more, relationship-building skills can help you achieve your goals. I use some of these skills to quickly develop a relationship with my business clients, advising and coaching. Remember that the key to building a good relationship is sincerity and bringing a true love for each other to your new relationships. With that in mind, let’s begin:

  • Listen – Listening is the ‘King’ of all relationship building skills. EVERYONE loves to be heard! Think about it. How do you feel when someone ignores you or talks over you? Do you feel connected to these people? NO! Who are the people closest to you too? I highly suspect that they are the people who listen to you carefully and care about your problems and well-being, right? Listening says, “I am listening because you, and therefore what you have to say, is important.” People’s greatest desire is to be truly heard. Help them achieve this important goal, and they will appreciate and admire you for it. Practice “conversational generosity”: don’t talk more than 30% of the time (10-20% is optimal).
  • link interests – Opposites WHOSE Attractive!!! People like each one for their similarities. So whenever possible, look at similar interests and be sure to talk about and expand on them. This may require a bit of searching and asking questions to discover their interests, that’s fine, people will be glad you’re so interested in them that you ask multiple questions about them. Even if you don’t have similar activities, ask them to talk about an area you find interesting or want to explore. For example, my old boss Mark loves golf. I have never played, but I have a sincere interest in learning the game, so I asked him to explain a few things about the game to me. He was delighted that I was interested and complimented me because I wanted him to be my teacher and valued his advice. Think of ways you can use this tool.
  • ask for advice – An old quote from Thoreau says: “The greatest compliment I was paid was when someone asked me what I thought and I listened to the answer.” Asking for advice is perhaps the most sincere compliment that can be paid to a person. You also have to humble yourself a bit to ask for advice, and this vulnerability will create a sense of openness and trust between you. People are always happy to give you advice and they will quickly attach that happy feeling to you. Aren’t your friends you go to for advice? How can this person give you advice and not be your friend? Do you see how strong this bond is? People also admire someone who can ask for and accept advice. So few people can do this well that it has become an admirable trait. Try it and you will see.
  • congratulations and praise – No, this is NOT “making out” or being fake – this never works! What we seek to do is notice the praiseworthy things that people discuss and mention them to the person. Notice the difference in the following two answers. Your new friend tells you that he just won an award for helping kids and you say “that’s great!” or “Wow, that’s quite an achievement! You must have made a tremendous contribution to those children’s lives, you should be so proud.” Which answer would you rather hear? Are both true? Yes! Will an answer have more impact and create a stronger connection? Definitely yes! Noticing and commenting on the good things people do and their special qualities is a great way to live, it’s stylish, and a great way to connect with others.
  • Show love and appreciation – Most people instinctively like the people they like (and vice versa). Many people like each other, but they rarely tell each other. I make it a point to tell my friends that I like them and that I appreciate them; they already know it, but it’s still great to hear. With people I just met, if I like them, I say things like, “It was great meeting you; I love meeting warm, open people.” “I really liked the way you talked about (BLANK).” “Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your home. I had a great time today. Let’s pick another time to meet soon.” These are just some examples. Can you think of better ones? Sincere appreciation like this supports friendship and cements relationships.
  • Adopt their values/beliefs – As you listen to the other person speak, look at their values/beliefs and discuss the areas where your values/beliefs sincerely match theirs. Remember when I said it’s best to talk 30% or less of the time? Take at least half of this time and use it to agree with, support, or expand on what the other person was talking about. You’ll never make a friend by disagreeing with them. Let go of points you disagree with and intervene when you hear something you agree with. By doing this, you will make a friend and at the same time subtly promote the areas you believe in and starve the areas you don’t believe in.
  • Enthusiasm – Communication is the transfer of energy/emotion. Everyone seems to love someone with enthusiasm because we all look up to them and wish we had more! Enthusiastic people seem to brighten up a room with their positive energy, and we want that to rub off on us, we want to be a part of it. When someone is excited about our thoughts and ideas, we immediately feel understood, appreciated, and just plain cool! No one will be offended if you get excited about their ideas!
  • Coincidence and duplication – Match and mirror simply means that we roughly match the other person’s characteristics to help create an alignment with them. Therefore, if they cross their legs, do the same shortly after. If you tend to speak more slowly, slow down so you get closer to theirs. If they use a certain jargon, you can use it later in the conversation. If they are reserved, you will be more reserved. And so. Remember, we like people who are like us. Anyway, this is a natural process that most people do unconsciously; now you can know how to do it consciously. It is a very powerful tool because vocal tone/speed and body language represent 93% of communication. This tool will make people feel very comfortable around you and it is a very subtle technique.
  • smile and warmth – The first contact with another person is your face! Make sure you present yourself as warm, friendly, and happy. A smile and a sincere desire for friendship will resonate in your voice and will be demonstrated in each of your actions. First impressions are powerful; present the way you want to be remembered: SMILE! Smiling shows that you are happy to see the other person and that you like them. The smile and warmth make others feel good around you. This is a lost ability. Wear it and you will shine.
  • attention skills – This simply means that you attend to the needs of the people you are with. Follow the lines of simple good manners, i.e. hold someone’s door, offer them a drink or a chair, buy them lunch, shake their hand immediately when you see them, etc. Almost any small courtesy or act of kindness falls into this category. These simple acts say without words that the other person is like, respected and appreciated. (And a share is worth how much? That’s right! A one thousand words!)

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