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How to handle aggressive text messages sent by your ex in response to yours

After a breakup, the relationship between you and your ex can implode rather quickly. The one person you cared about more than anyone suddenly becomes someone you feel like you need permission to talk to. Every time you want to communicate you feel like you are walking on eggshells.

But you still love them. You want to fix things. Do you want to get your ex back?

So what are you supposed to do?

Today, many people spend much more time on their cell phone texting than talking. So trying to text your ex after a breakup might seem like a logical choice.

The truth is, texting your ex CAN be a phenomenally effective method of communicating with your ex. But that doesn’t mean you won’t run into opposition along the way.

What happens when you text your ex and he or she responds with something like…

  • “Don’t ever write to me again!”
  • “I really don’t want to talk to you right now. It hurts too much.”
  • “Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear from you again.”

Just seeing those words on your screen feels like a knife through your heart. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never get your ex back.

First, text message examples like the ones above are full of emotion. This is a good thing. Although it is a negative emotion, it is better than no emotion at all. It’s only when your ex just doesn’t care and he’s completely apathetic towards you, your chances of getting back together become very bleak. Over time, you can change negative emotions into positive ones using the right techniques.

If you get an aggressive text from your ex, here are the things you DON’T want to do…

  • Start apologizing repeatedly
  • Start begging and pleading with them
  • Sending an aggressive text to defend yourself
  • Getting into a fight over a text message
  • Resist their opposition by continuing to text.
  • Try another form of communication such as calling or going to see them

The above are common mistakes people make when they receive mean or aggressive text messages from their ex. Rather than repeat these mistakes yourself, you need to understand that aggressive texts often mean your ex just needs more time. Longer could be a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months.

The best thing to do in these circumstances is to respond with something like, “I’m sorry. I hope you’re okay.” Or quickly validate their feelings with something like, “I completely understand. I hope you’re okay.” Then don’t text them again for at least several weeks.

It can be extremely difficult not to want to break through their resistance, but trying to do so always causes more harm than good. Step back and let the anger subside.

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