The 192 members of the United Nations meet in an emergency meeting to unite and have Christmas this year. Leaders from around the world showed up in support of Santa Claus, so that children would have Christmas this year. It was a suspenseful event that brought the promise of world peace in the future. The leaders of China, North Korea, South Korea, the Russian Federation and Great Britain sat at the same table without throwing food at each other. This emergency meeting took place on Oahu.

This Christmas disaster started earlier in the week after Santa Claus left the North Pole in the dead of night. This was done in an attempt to save themselves from the American forces amassing along the pole border. They were preparing to storm the North Pole and take over operations. It seems Santa had a cookie problem that not only caused him health problems, but bankrupted the First Bank of the North Pole. Money was taken from a ransom package that the Obama administration had loaned to Santa. This was not a large sum, $3,782.13, but Santa just couldn’t find the cash. When Santa realized he couldn’t pay the money back in full and on time, the stress was too much and he left town.

Now it is known that Santa Claus was in a rehabilitation center on a Caribbean island receiving help for his eating problems. Doctors worked around the clock to help Santa with his diet. Santa went on a diet of carrot sticks and celery juice. This seemed to do the trick. Santa can now eat cookies and milk, only in moderation and low fat is best. Santa said, with a wink, that he’ll stick to this diet as best he can.

As soon as Santa was released from the rehab clinic, he was rushed by reindeer to Oahu, Hawaii for the United Nations meeting. He received a standing ovation from everyone in attendance. When things calmed down, the president of the United States, Barack Obama, said that he had very good news to tell the world. The president wanted the children of the world to know that “Christmas has arrived.” After looking at the fine print in the federal bailout package, it was discovered that Santa and his elves qualify for a green energy credit. You see, Santa’s main mode of transportation is reindeer. They do not emit greenhouse gases and are considered ecological. All the money Santa owed the United States government for his “cookie addiction” has been forgiven.

It is also reported that Santa’s SCEP, the Secret Cookie Elfin Project, has disbanded. Yes, under the threat of a massive show of force from the US Marines, the leprechauns put down their candy canes and headed home. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has ordered all troops to leave the North Pole area and return home by Christmas.

With the United Nations emergency meeting ending early successfully, President Obama, the Queen of England, and Fidel Castro decided to rent some longboards from Hawaii Surfboard Rental on Oahu and catch some sweet waves. It was reported that the President tore it up and the Queen of England annihilated. Fidel recorded video.

Many attended an after hours party at the Tiki Bar and Grill. Events there cannot be reported, because what happens at the Tiki Bar and Grill stays at the Tiki Bar and Grill. However, at the end of the night, Santa, on his way out, said Merry Christmas to everyone and good night.

This “cookie addiction” story is dedicated to the brave service men and women who serve the United States. It is because of your sacrifice that my family can live free and my children can go to sleep safely. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your families this holiday season, as always. May you come home safe and sound.