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When your ex wants to be friends and you want more

Of all the breakup situations that you can find yourself in, the one that has to do with friendship is the most difficult to resolve. You will find people telling you that it is okay to be friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, as long as you don’t love them yet. But what if you do? What if you desperately want your ex back, but are afraid to turn down her offer of friendship?

Well, first of all, you have to understand something: friendship is NOT a relationship. Period. Never think that you can substitute a fake pseudo-friendship for the real relationship you’d rather have with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. If you want to get your ex back, you must work to get your ex back. Trying to play the part of the happy, platonic friend will end in heartache at best. And in the worst case? It will erupt into a mess of jealousy and disorder that could end up hurting you more than any breakup.

Getting back together with an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend involves many steps. One of the first and most important is to disappear for a while, so your ex will miss you. this can’t happen if you are still friends with your ex. For this reason, when your ex wants to be friends with you, there is no way you should accept that offer. Instead, you should politely decline, walk away, and get out of sight of your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend for a few weeks.

Understand that your ex wants to stay friendly with you for a good reason: he’s not completely over the relationship yet. Your ex wants the option to back out if she suits him…to reverse the breakup and get back together if her new single life just isn’t working out. But by giving them the green light here, you’re letting your ex do whatever he wants: date other people, stay single, etc…etc…all while he’s comfortable knowing that you’re still hanging around for them.

But by turning down the friendship and doing your own thing? Your ex is facing the reality that they could lose you. Your ex wants you to be friends so he can keep an eye on you; he doesn’t want you to go ahead and date anyone else as much as you don’t want them to. Seeing that you have a life planned that doesn’t include them will force your ex to make tough decisions. He or she will have to determine whether or not he wants you back, and if so, he or she will have to act fast or risk losing you forever.

Staying friends with an ex after the breakup is never really an option. Not if you still love and want to get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. The best thing you can do is be honest, both with them and with yourself. Let your ex know that you have stronger feelings than just friendship and that pretending to be friends is not your thing. Either your ex dates you or loses you: those are the two options you should present to them. Because when you do that, you’ll be surprised how quickly your ex could run right back into your old relationship.

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