1. Put your own worries aside. You can’t focus on someone else if you’re also thinking about your problems, to-do list, or concerns. This leads to

2. Give yourself plenty of time. If you have to rush to a meeting, you’ll want to go at a faster pace that suits you, not the person you’re listening to.

3. Talk less than you listen. We have two ears and one mouth, so keep your communication in the same proportion.

4. Use eye contact. It is difficult for someone to continue talking to someone who is not looking at them.

5. Show some nonverbal behavior. Make use of head nods and aha, etc. All this encourages the other person to say more. But don’t use them ad hoc when you’re not really listening. It devalues ​​them.

6. Show report. When you truly listen and care about the other person, your body language will be consistent. There is a coincidence of posture, tone of voice, etc. You can help by leaning forward in your chair or tilting your head to one side.

7. Summarize what the person has said. So they know you’ve heard them. This can be a good way to move the person forward. This reflects the content.

8. Reflect the feeling back. Do you have the feeling that the person is sad, angry, etc.? Let them know. “Do you sound a little sad to me?”

9. Don’t pretend. If your attention has wandered, be honest. Ask the person to repeat what they have said, instead of guessing. His honesty will be appreciated.

10. Be patient. Sometimes people will be confused or verbose. You can help them tell their story, but don’t rush them at a pace that’s too fast for them.

11. Avoid “Me too” comments. If you pay attention to the other person and want to help them, avoid talking about how it affects you. To think! Will this help the other person? If not, leave it for another time. You run the risk of hijacking the conversation.

12. Don’t get defensive. If you are being given feedback, listen to what the person is saying. Don’t interrupt with reasons until you are very clear about what the person is saying. They may have some helpful comments that you won’t be able to see if you interrupt their flow.

13. Do not formulate a response until the other person has finished speaking. You will miss some of the things they say.

14. If there is a silence, do not rush to fill it. Wait twice as long as is comfortable for you. Give the other person time to think.

15. Put yourself in their shoes. Do not criticize or give advice, do not rush to fix it. See the problem from their perspective.

16. Be aware of your biases. Are there certain words (vulgar language) or people (background) that “get under the skin”? Think about what you can do to be less judgmental. Perhaps you could say that for the next 20 minutes you will focus on them and let, for example, their views on immigrants wash over you.

17. If you are listening to someone on the phone, you need to work even harder to demonstrate active listening skills. Make sure you are not typing, turning the pages of a magazine, shuffling papers, etc. All of these things show that you are only half listening.

18. Eliminate outside distractions. If you find yourself in a hot, cold, noisy, or uncomfortable place, look to move to a different place. You can’t concentrate if you’re in a situation that demands a lot of attention.

19. Seek feedback on your own performance. You can improve your skills in this area by getting feedback from other people. Ask people to tell you if they felt heard. Look for ways to improve. Not only will it be helpful with that person next time, but also when you actively listen to other people.

20. Pay attention to other people’s listening skills. Notice how other people make you feel heard and those who don’t. It will help you choose how you can develop further.