Don’t ask for references? Heresy, you say! Well, hear me out before I tune out. Like you, I’ve heard several so-called sales experts extol the virtues of why you should ask for referrals. I have listened to these experts and have attended conferences and workshops where the topic comes up again and again. And I hear the same confessions from millionaire producers who lament the fact that “they still don’t ask for references even though they should.” And those who ask do not pretend to get great results even though they have a successful practice. The reason? Customers don’t want to be pressured to “sell” their services to their friends and family. They don’t want to be made to feel like they are doing their job for you as much as they like and appreciate it.

Well, I’m here to ease the guilt of those of you who feel inadequate because you don’t ask your clients for referrals. I think you’re doing the right thing by not asking for references… at least not in the way you’ve been ostracized for not asking. Clients will recommend you if you are professional in the way you do it.

I think that asking your clients for references or putting cute phrases on your business cards or email templates that say “the best compliment you can give me is a referral” only serves to cheapen our profession and your practice in particular. When was the last time you visited a doctor, and after he or she was done, they said, “Hey Joe, I’m glad we were able to cure that nasty case of athlete’s foot. If you know anyone who can use my services please give them one of my cards?” Or, when was the last time you met with a lawyer and he or she said, “Well, Sally, I’m glad we were able to get what you wanted out of your divorce. If you have any friends who could use my services, please let us know.” know they know about me?”

Financial advisors are professionals and should act like professionals when it comes to referrals. Here are two suggestions. First, if you want references, give references. I believe in Zig Ziglar’s creed: “You’ll get what you want if you help enough people get what they want.”

You know your customers. You know what business they’re in. So the next time you meet with them, ask how you can help them grow their businesses. What is an ideal prospect for your business? Then follow up by referring people to your customers. They will do the same when you do, I guarantee it.

Second, if you want referrals from your customers, give them a value-added reason for doing so. You can do this with client events. I heard of a consultant who invited five of his best golf-loving clients to a Saturday morning retirement income planning breakfast followed by a golf lesson and nine holes of golf. He had a product partner cover the cost of golf and breakfast. The only requirement he gave his clients was that they had to bring a friend. So the consultant was in front of five new prospects during the morning’s events and was able to secure two of them as clients. More importantly, he made his clients look like heroes by giving them the opportunity to invite their friends to such a fancy event and show off his advisor. It’s much more effective than telling them about his adviser.

I’m sure you’ve heard of a number of variations on the customer appreciation/invite-a-friend event. The bottom line is that it works. Personally, if my doctor invited me to a lunch workshop on “heart problems after 50” and asked me to bring a friend, I would probably do so and think better of him than if he asked me directly for a referral. Similarly, if my lawyer invited me to an estate planning workshop and asked me to invite a friend, I would appreciate the value of such an invitation. At the same time, I’m not naive enough to miss the point of bringing a friend. They are professionals and want to grow their business.

And so it is with financial advisers. You are professionals and you want to grow your business. You have the opportunity to conquer the customer referral conundrum in a way that works and will enlighten you like a true professional. Your customers will appreciate the fact that you are willing to refer and/or invite them to a meaningful event, and in turn, they will fill your channel with new prospects. At the same time, you will maintain your reputation as a trusted professional.