Vacations can sometimes seem like a long list of obligations. You have to figure out what gifts to give to whom and how much you can afford to spend. You have to write Christmas cards/notes/emails to at least a few people, once again figuring out what to whom.

You have to find out with which relatives/friends you have to entertain, spend time, tolerate, try not to argue. You have to travel at the worst possible time of the year due to weather, traffic jams and chaos at the airport or train station. You have to combine your ordinary tasks with all the non-ordinary tasks, like when are you going to find all that time to go shopping? Not to mention dealing with demanding, rebellious and hyperactive children/grandchildren along the way…

Oh the holidays! But here’s the thing: the more you come to parties with an “I have to” “I have to” approach, the more harassed and stressed you will be. Instead, if you take a “want to,” “get to” approach, things will go much better for you.

So before you head out into the rain/sleet/snow/traffic to do whatever it takes, take a moment to sit back and reflect on how you view vacations and what they really mean to you. That is the first step.

What do you want to do in terms of giving gifts? There’s a world of difference between “I want to buy Aunt Julia something she really enjoys” and “I have to buy Aunt Julia something decent.” Which one feels better?

“I want to give my 5-year-old daughter a gift she likes and I have $20 to spend on her gift,” versus “Somehow I have to manage to get my 5-year-old daughter something she likes with only $20” . “Both are true statements, but one is likely to cause you anxiety and stress, the other will inspire positive motivation.

Second, start practicing the “I want” approach with anything and everything. “I have to cook” becomes “I want to make something delicious for my family.” “I have to visit 3 relatives in one day” becomes “I want to spend a couple of fun hours with each pair of my relatives.”

The more you practice the “I want” technique, the easier it becomes. Suddenly, lo and behold, the holidays become the magic they were always meant to be.