So many single guys and girls who are in the “Single – Never Married” category on online dating sites and internet personals come to that wonderful We are a couple stage.

And then they crash. “Great, I’m in a relationship! Now what?” That is often when they come to me to work with them as their relationship coach.

Because they have never been married before. Or they have married and do not want to repeat their previous mistakes. It’s okay. We are all human, right? But they want to learn and move on.

Getting to the relationship was really the goal they had in mind.

– They’ve done it.

– They are there now.

– NOW WHAT?

How do you build and nurture a relationship?

What do you really WANT in a relationship?

What does it MEAN to you to be and have a relationship?

They have successfully negotiated the exclusivity, the long-term relationship and the continuity of their being a couple, and now they are. Now you have LIFE before you. What do you want to include in that LIFE together as you further evaluate the possibility of being together for life?

The mundane things of life

The mundane things of life are actually what comprises much of life. Instead of treating them like annoying chores to be endured, which would force you to endure about 87% of your life, choose a different attitude. The mundane tasks of life can now be opportunities to create greater connection and intimacy. Doing the dishes together can be a time to connect about your day. Folding laundry and matching socks can be a time to dig into your partner’s thoughts on news and world events.

You can have a conversation while doing these things, and girls, I’ll let you in on another secret. Often, taciturn men will open up and talk more when you’re not looking them in the eye and they’re DOING SOMETHING. Once they’re talking about a topic they enjoy, like a hot diesel engine, they’re more likely to keep talking. “So, how was the football game last night?… How are things at work?”

create memories together

Remember to Live and Do Interesting Things Together.

Very often, a couple that is dating will stagnate. Married couples do this too. We have all seen it happen, perhaps with our parents. Maybe that’s a fear you have about getting married. “I might get bored. Anything but that!”

Mix things up a bit to keep things lively and interesting. Go on a weekend road trip. Take a trip together to another metropolitan area. Fly to a foreign country. Some couples really enjoy planning those trips in advance, as the anticipation of sexual flirtation and foreplay, the planning and anticipation builds and extends the fun and pleasure.

Sometimes taking a trip at the last minute builds excitement and fosters a feeling of spontaneity in the relationship as well. Gentlemen, show up Friday night with your itinerary in hand and say: “Honey, we’re going to sunny San Diego this weekend! Pack your bags!”

She might initially resist, “Oh, I have a million things to do!”

But you already knew your schedule with her this weekend (because you’ve been talking to her while doing the dishes and shopping, right? Good), that’s just her fear. It’s next weekend she has 5 errands she HAS to run. Show your masculine leadership and INSIST on going out this weekend. Taking these regular trips together helps avoid that awful feeling that He takes me for granted or she never appreciates me.

And you are building MEMORIES together. Memories you can share together when you are in assisted living later in life when you are frail. Keepsakes to cement the relationship and remember together for years to come with children, nieces, nephews, and cousins.

Memories to make interesting conversations with other people so that you remain interesting and involved in life. Go ahead, build some memories, and over time, you will slowly realize that you have a successful, long-term, fulfilling relationship. It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?