When you have just started spending time with someone, you may find that almost everything runs smoothly. So when they are with the other person, they can feel good and even relaxed.

During this stage, they may believe that this will always be the case and that they will never experience conflict with this person. Then weeks and months could go by and this might be how it stays.
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A different experience

However, even if it stays that way for a while, there will probably come a time when you will start to experience different feelings. What will play an important role here is that one will start to settle down, just like their partner, which may mean that they will become more authentic.

Therefore, the kinds of things that would not have been said or done before, can end up being said and done. Along with this, defenses that have fallen over time will have opened them up more and made them more vulnerable in the process.

A strong reaction

When you experience feelings that are not particularly positive, it could be something that happens after your partner has said or done something. Here, one could end up getting very angry or could feel really upset, for example.

After this has happened, they could blame their partner; knowing that your partner is wrong. It could be this black and white, or it could be so much more.

Fuel on fire

However, even if your partner has done something wrong, it doesn’t mean that it will do your relationship any good if you end up sleeping with them. Your partner may remain calm or they may become defensive.

If they stay calm and make it clear that they are sorry for what has happened, they may soon be able to calm down. However, it may not be long until your inner world is all over the place again.

The same experience

Before long, one could have a very similar experience and once again could put their partner to bed. When this happens, it could be as if one is possessed by their emotions.

Still, your partner could do everything possible to make you feel better. If your partner has done something wrong, you could say that it is perfectly normal for him to be upset and that he is not to blame.

Step back

However, if you begin to develop the ability to observe your inner world and are no longer controlled by how you feel, you may find that your partner is not always to blame for how you feel. What they might find is that there are times when their partner simply triggers a pain that is already within them.

Having the ability to contain how you feel rather than direct it outward will likely decrease the amount of conflict that arises in your relationship. Something will shoot up and one can be with how they feel, preventing a grain of sand from turning into a mountain.

Limits

What you get is that, even if you are in a relationship with another person, you have your own reality (just like your partner). With a strong sense of who they are and a clear understanding of where they start and end, it will be easier for them to recognize how they feel.

Then, by developing your ability to observe your inner world and work within its limits, you will be able to heal your inner wounds. Whenever they experience a strong reaction, there is a chance that a wound has risen to the surface.

Back in time

An emotional injury can be traced back to something that happened in their adult life, or it could be traced back to what happened when they were younger. Either way, it will be critical to be healed if you want to become a more integrated human being.

The reason for this is that when they were injured, a part of themselves would probably have separated. Therefore, in order for you to regain this part of yourself, you will need to embrace it, feel the pain, and gradually integrate it.

A new meaning

By viewing their pain this way, the trigger will still be painful, but they may no longer see it as a bad or negative thing. It will be much easier for them to surrender to how they feel and grow.

Along with this, they may come to believe that one of the reasons they would be attracted to someone is to heal themselves. The person you are with then will be there to serve in your evolution, as one will be there to serve in the evolution of your partner.

Awareness

Without self-awareness, it will not be possible for one to realize that another person is only bringing to the surface what they already have inside. Self-awareness is what will set you free; Free from a victim mentality, free to give up your power, and free to live a reactive life.
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If you’ve gotten to the point where you can see that you have internal injuries and these injuries make it difficult for you to function, you may need to seek external support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.