In a previous article, I outlined 5 steps you can take to successfully deal with the fear we often feel when it comes to managing conflict. These steps include: acknowledge your underlying fear and anxiety, identify the threat, check your assumptions, take deep breaths, and keep a journal. Here are 5 more tips you can use to gain emotional control and overcome your fear of conflict.

1. Set a limit for your specific trigger. For example, if people’s tardiness triggers it, set a limit to help you manage this trigger. If someone agrees to meet you at 1:00 pm, let them know how important it is to be on time and that you will need to reschedule if they are more than 15 minutes late. You can decide in advance what you will do to respond respectfully and constructively if the other person is late.
2. Tame the lizard brain by speaking out loud. When intense emotions take over due to conflict, your brain goes into survival mode. The reptilian part of the brain protects us from what we believe to be a threat. By vocalizing how you feel, such as “I’m frustrated” or “I’m really disappointed,” you’re shifting activity from the emotional center to the rational part of your brain.
3. Visualize a relaxing focal point. When you are experiencing fear of conflict (ie anxiety), visualize a place where you experience deep relaxation, joy, or moments of peace. Associate this visualization with a word or two; for example, beach or gentle breeze. Visualize those words when you begin to experience anxiety.
4. Anchor a strategy with a tangible object. Let’s say you want to practice breathing as a way to center yourself and control your emotions. Carry an item that has a positive and powerful meaning that you can associate with breathing and slowing down. I often wear a dove of peace pin when getting into difficult conversations. Others may have a small polished stone with the words breathe or mindfulness that they can touch, allowing them to associate this item with breathing.
5. Commit to your intentions. Intentions are a great way to set an expectation for how you want to act and be perceived by others in a conflict situation. Think about how you want to behave, what attitude you want to have, and what emotion you want to feel regardless of what the other person says or does. You may want to be respectful, open to a different perspective, and trusting. Commit to those actions regardless of the other person’s reaction or behavior. Stay true to your intentions.