Sometimes, no matter how much you love your husband or your marriage, he makes it very clear that he doesn’t think you’re going to get either. Sometimes, no matter how much you personally fight for your marriage, your spouse or partner won’t fight by your side. No matter how much we’d like to turn things around, the fact is that it takes two people to stay in a marriage. Both people have to agree. So when your spouse or partner tells you it’s time to move on, it can seem like he or she has no choice but to comply. But the bigger question may be: how do you do it? How do you completely change your way of thinking, your lifestyle and your hopes of moving forward? It may feel like you are being asked to give up what you have worked so hard for.

Someone might say, “My husband and I have been separated for about seven months. I can’t say I’m surprised when my husband tells me it’s time to move on. He hasn’t given me much hope.” throughout this process. We have had very brief periods of time where things seemed to be a little better, but this would not last long. As soon as he moved a little closer to me, something always seemed to happen to pull him further away. So last night, I asked her if we were ever going to get back together. He didn’t say outright no, but he did tell me that he thought it was time for me to think about moving on. He is living with his sister’s family. He helps her take care of her children after school in exchange for a place to live. He so far he seems perfectly happy with this. I am not happy. I am very unhappy with myself. Seeing this as temporary, I told myself that if I could get through this short period of time, then all the better. er days would be ahead once my husband came to his senses. But it seems that he is not going to come back to his senses. And I don’t know how to start living my life without him. I’m certainly not going to file for divorce and he hasn’t mentioned it either. But it seems that now I am expected to change my life completely. How do I wake up tomorrow and do this? How do I wake up tomorrow and live a life that doesn’t include him?”

I don’t think you have to wake up tomorrow and completely change your lifestyle or your perspective. I faced a similar situation. I really wanted to reconcile in my own marriage, but my husband basically told me it was a lost cause. I held on for a long time, but I began to realize that it was actually detrimental to me to put myself on hold and not live my life. Still, I wasn’t ready to give up on my marriage, so I didn’t. But what I did was stop putting myself on hold. In my mind and in my heart, I still wanted to save my marriage one day. But I was no longer going to allow myself to wallow in my sadness.

So I started by telling myself that I wasn’t going to go straight home from work every day. I started hanging out with co-workers or hanging out with friends. I volunteered. Take classes. My goal was to keep myself as busy as possible doing constructive things, preferably things that would help other people, or at least myself. It took some effort at first, but changing my focus and isolated existence really helped my perspective over time.

I was in contact with my husband during this time, and while I never came out and said “I took your advice and move on”, it was probably obvious that I was no longer wasting my time waiting for him to call me back or for him to call me back. see me. I think that, at least for a while, he doubted my new independence or thought it was all a ruse. But after he lasted a decent amount of time, he realized that he was genuine and really started communicating with me.

I never pretended that I wasn’t interested in him or our marriage. I knew very well that I was. I never dated other people or pretended to want to. But I guess it became pretty obvious that he had put a new priority on myself and keeping me busy. I was by no means happier doing this than being married, but I was happier doing this than lamenting the state of my marriage. He made time go by faster and made me more outgoing and optimistic. I think my husband definitely noticed this because he became less fearful or reluctant to interact with me. Actually, my “moving on” really helped my marriage, although that was not my intention at the time.