I recently heard from a wife who wanted to know the guidelines for marital sex after an affair. Her husband had a short-term affair and the two of them had been trying to work on their marriage. The husband had done everything she had asked, but he needed time to process all of this and heal. Understandably, she was still dealing with a lot of anger and confusion, though she acknowledged and appreciated all the effort her husband was making.

And while the couple was trying hard and making some progress, they certainly weren’t free to go home just yet. But, there was some physical contact and affection. And so the wife wondered when was the right time to resume her sex life. Because she had become the big elephant in the room. She said in part “it’s like neither of us wants to make the first move. I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex again, but I know he does. I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him, but I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him either.” I want it to be a mess. I’m so scared it’s going to be really bad or it won’t turn on or I’m so uncomfortable. How do I handle it? This one?”

Sex can be a big sticking point after an affair. Because it is something natural between two people who love another. But it can feel so contaminated in this situation when you know that your partner has recently been doing it with someone else. It can be very difficult to separate emotional feelings from physical ones. And timing can be very important. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.

You shouldn’t rush sex after an affair: It’s very tempting to want to have sex in the hope that doing so will make everything better sooner rather than later. However, the problem with this strategy is that if it goes wrong or feels weird, people will sometimes interpret it to mean that the relationship cannot be saved or that the problems are insurmountable when this simply may not be true.

Sometimes the partner who had the affair will pressure the other into having sex because they believe that this physical connection will mean they are on the path to forgiveness. Other times, the faithful spouse feels compelled to have sex because he wants his spouse to know that he is really trying. But none of these are valid reasons to rush into something that might hurt more than help. The real key is to be as honest as possible about it so there are no misunderstandings. If you’re not ready yet, you can make it clear that you want to show your affection and effort in other ways, but this doesn’t mean you’re rejecting, punishing, or holding your spouse back.

When you’re ready to resume sex after an affair, you’ll usually know: I often tell people that there really isn’t a set time to start being intimate again. This really depends on the couple. Generally speaking, sexual desire and activity resume once the faithful spouse begins to believe that the cheating spouse is truly sorry for the affair and that the couple is on the way to being happy again.

The emotional usually comes first and then the physical follows. There is no set timeline for this process and you shouldn’t feel bad if you’re not ready yet. Because, generally speaking, you will know when the time is right. And it is worth waiting until this point. It is better to be sure and get a good result than to go ahead even when you are in doubt and disappointed.

Restore your sexual confidence after your spouse has an affair: I think one thing that makes this topic so complicated is that the affair can really damage a faithful spouse’s self-esteem. The faithful spouse will often imagine almost unrealistic sex between their spouse and the other person and wonder how they can possibly compete. And they will wonder if their spouse still finds them attractive or if she has fallen in love with them.

So with all these doubts, it can be very difficult to pretend to be sexually confident. That’s why I really think it’s important to address your sexual confidence if this is an issue for you. You deserve to feel trusted and wanted. Your spouse’s affair was not your decision and certainly not your fault. It’s not fair that you keep getting hurt and hurt. Therefore, it only makes sense to do what is necessary to restore what has been lost. Don’t apologize for getting what you need to live your best life without looking back.