The themes of what I write about usually come from my own life and from what I am noticing around me. In recent years, I have noticed many people question their relationships and walk away from ones that outsiders considered solid and stable. Our evolving genes are giving us a greater awareness that allows us to move out of the old wounded state and into the new paradigm of being ourselves. Living as we really are is an incredibly liberating concept. So many “therapies” are trying to teach us to be more than we are, unlimited or enlightened. When we live the truth of who we are, that’s all we need. Enlightenment comes naturally.

Human Design is a very important and timely part of this paradigm shift. In allowing ourselves to be ourselves, we need to live and embody two simple notions. The first is not to take anything personally and the second is not to pass judgment on others. The more we understand about our own designs and those of other people, we learn that we have come with gifts that make us who we are. We may be grateful for our own gifts and believe that other people should strive for similar gifts (teachers trying to teach others their gift, for example), but that may not be that person’s purpose on this planet.

So with some of these thoughts in mind, I’ve been looking at the way we trade with each other. I see school age kids compete with each other and it’s not always friendly. They always try to be better than others in what they say and do. “Is my picture better than yours?” “Is my Lego model better?” “My writing is better?” “Can I read better?” My answer is always: “Everyone is good and this is not a competition.” The school teaches people to compete. The schools themselves are constantly competing with other schools to maintain funding. This makes them accept the kids who are more likely to give them the test results that will keep them on the leaderboards. What happens to those naturally gifted kids who aren’t classically academic? There were so many gifted children in our homeschool group who would not have survived the wrath of a teacher or the pressure of homework.

I heard a discussion on the radio about competition. The main argument to support it was that “This is a competitive world and children need to grow up to be able to live in it.” My mission is to be part of a growing movement to make this world a loving and peaceful place to live and that means setting your own goals and standards and not having to compete with others. Knowing our own personal gifts gives us our own direction and our own success without comparing ourselves to anyone else.

To face the competition we have to learn to negotiate successfully. No relationship can be successful without reasonable negotiation. Children learn at school that they have to be better, smarter, more capable; more talented; they have to win at all costs. They are not told what might happen if they lose, but it is clearly not desirable in our society to be a ‘loser’. There is something much deeper that underlies our need to succeed and this is a survival instinct. It’s something so deeply existential and probably so old. His cellular memory will give us reason to believe that we can die if we don’t win.

More than 70% of us start life as twins. We have the idea of ​​going in with another soul. Along the way, usually early in our gestation, one twin decides not to stay. It may be because there is not enough food for two developing babies, or perhaps one soul made an agreement to help the other enter and not stay. Whatever the reason, most births that begin as twin births do not end with a twin birth. This creates a range of different dynamics that both souls have chosen to deal with in this lifetime or another.

Double binds are one of the dynamics that arise from a twin birth. If you were a twin who needed a soul mate to help you come here and that little soul left, would you think it was your fault? You may feel deprived without your twin and find it very difficult to make a decision about anything in your life from then on. Having two options, if I do this I lose or if I do that I lose, is called a double bind. Imagine a pair of fetuses in the same womb. If I die, then I lose, and if I’m born and win, I lose my soul mate, my best friend, the other half of who I am. What would be your choice? People who have had to make this decision in the womb find that they are making these kinds of decisions throughout their lives. I have also met people who are so afraid of losing that they would do anything to win. I’ve wondered if that’s because maybe they’ve been the ‘lost’ twin a few times and in this lifetime they’ve decided to be the surviving twin at all costs. These people make negotiation impossible, their fight for survival is very strong, and often the other party does not understand the logic of the winning strategy.

I have dealt with my own twin dynamic and now see many others dealing with this problem all the time. People looking for their soul mates are actually looking for the person they thought they should incarnate with. What we are doing is finding someone who has the same wound, who is also looking for their soul mate, so the initial attraction is very powerful. We believe we have found that lost twin, the soul that should have survived and will make this dilemma go away. After the initial period of bliss, we find we have problems to deal with and the pattern of “no room for two in the same womb” repeats itself.

If we choose to work things out, explore and understand the dynamics, then the relationship can become a true partnership. Although perhaps less intense, the relationship is more real. Some people crave the intensity of that best friend, twin feeling, and move from one relationship or friendship to another. When you have opened your eyes to this dynamic, you can see it when you meet a new friend who you think has “found” you and creates an instant bond with you. Then they want your complete loyalty and they want to be able to give it to you. Then when they see that you’re impartial and non-judgmental and you don’t come up to their level of intensity, they feel betrayed. Meanwhile, you have done nothing except not be attracted. If you’re a “twin type” and haven’t dealt with your own issues around this, chances are you’re drawn to the need and intensity of this type of relationship, whether it’s with friends or potential partners.

Betrayal is a typical pattern of the twin dynamic. People with this pattern expect you to be totally loyal. You may recognize someone as your twin, but you may not feel the same way. So you feel cheated. This pattern will repeat itself over and over again until you do something to change it. Business and personal partners, friends and acquaintances will always disappoint you.

Imagine these dynamics in over 70% of the world’s population; the need to win, the feelings of betrayal, the need for revenge and to win at all costs. Aren’t all these recipes for war? Greed can also be seen as a twin dynamic. Maybe there was only enough food for a fetus. Perhaps the departed fetus repeated this pattern many times. The need for food is so great when that soul finally survives a pregnancy all she can think about is getting enough. Greed is the driving force. Today we see greed in all the negative aspects of power-hungry leaders. Mass death is a byproduct of their greed, as wars bring in billions. So creating another war is just a profitable exercise. Perhaps the idea of ​​perpetrating death is just a form of revenge, a place many of them feel familiar with as they lose their own fight for survival. In this life they will make sure to win at all costs.

So what can we do to overcome the negative effect of this enormous need to survive? Can we go out there and tell everyone that they need to deal with their twin dynamic? Certainly one way would be to deal with it ourselves and know that the reason this is coming up throughout our lives is that it’s time to deal with it. By the law of the “hundredth monkey” it only takes a few of us to change the whole world; so never think that what you do is not enough. Everything matters. We are all enough.

Another way is to understand and live our design. So we are comfortable with the body we have, with ourselves. We know our purpose on this planet and there is no need to compete with others. We have nothing to prove. we don’t even need say what we say – it all depends on the mood we are in at that moment. We don’t need to feel pressure, mental or physical stress. Every time we get into a difficult negotiation, a double bind, a win/lose situation, or a betrayal, we can be alerted to the fact that this is not who we are. This is a very old pattern; we survived then and we will survive now and we no longer need to be in this dynamic. The secret to a double bind is that there’s really nothing you can do but understand the pattern and name it. “This is a double bind…” So you wait. Forgive yourself for being the surviving twin. Take note of your own body, feeling grounded and centered in it. Perhaps you denied your own body because your lost twin was denied one. You may feel disconnected from your heart. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t bear the pain of loss. If you listen to that heart you will learn that the twin you miss so much has to leave; You even made a pact that they would accompany you for a small part of the trip, but you have forgotten that agreement. And are they still with you in spirit, watching over you, guiding you?

Then, when you find your soul mate and become entangled in the “twin dynamic” of the double bind, you will be able to find your own self and be different. You will begin to see how suffocating it is to be so codependent on each other, and you will appreciate the space that differentiation allows each of you. They are not afraid of being away from each other’s company; you no longer finish sentences for each other; you no longer feel betrayed by the other when he finds someone to “brother” with. Instead, they are free to see each other’s unique qualities.

Do nothing and wait for the miracle to happen. Be patient. I have used this strategy over and over again and it works. The miracle happens every time.

philipa dinnen

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life and don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Somehow already know what you really want to become.” steve jobs