Many parents struggle when their children reach adolescence because behaviors during this time can be very different from when their children were younger. This can be very frightening for parents who often feel that no matter what they do, it’s not right in the eyes of their teens.

Do you lack communication with your teenager? Do you feel that they live in his room and you barely see them, much less know anything about what is going on in his life? Are you constantly hanging out with friends but have no idea who these friends are, who their families are, or what they do when they spend time together? Do you turn down your offers to spend time doing familiar things? If any or all of these scenarios apply to your child, you have a fairly typical teenager.

So what is going on? The first and strongest reason why children behave this way is that they are working towards independence and to achieve this they need to separate from you, on whom they have depended for so many years of their lives. They don’t know how to do this carefully or gracefully (or they may not even realize they’re doing it), so they just isolate themselves from you as a way of not feeling as dependent on you. It makes sense if you think about it this way, though it doesn’t make it any less frustrating or worrying when you’re on the receiving end. Second, it is normal for children to be embarrassed by the changes that occur as their bodies mature. Children also experience an increase in sexualized feelings which can be overwhelming and is not something they want to discuss with their parents. Finally, it is very normal that during adolescence friends become more important than parents or other family members. This is not a negative reflection on family, but rather a shift from seeing family as the center of the world to actually wanting to discover the larger world that exists as a way of establishing independence.

Mothers often feel that this alienates them more than fathers. This is because mothers are usually seen as the caregivers and caretakers (although not always), and therefore sons need to push their mothers away to start creating their independence. Obviously, this is very worrying for a mother who may go out of her way to get closer to her child in an effort to increase communication and stay actively involved in her life. This, however, is not really helpful and can create and increase opposition, isolation, or family discord. Understanding the reason for the behavior can be helpful for mothers so that they don’t take this setback personally and can allow their child some space to start developing independence from her. Sometimes this pushback is not so obvious with parents, however it still exists. Children can connect with their parents around other things (playing sports, a game on TV, a project around the house) while maintaining emotional distance during this time of developing independence.

Most of the time, children will isolate themselves and avoid confrontation when possible. However, that’s not to say that children don’t show strong, negative emotions toward their parents, which can be scary and very troubling. Teenage boys’ yelling can be very aggressive and threatening in nature, and sometimes the anger becomes physical, which can result in them throwing things, breaking things, and sometimes even physically assaulting a parent. As stated, this can be very frightening, both for the teenager who has probably grown in size and strength, and for the parent. It is never acceptable for children to break things or cause harm to others in the home. It is also not acceptable for parents to become physically aggressive with their children (it is illegal to begin with), which can leave parents feeling ineffective and helpless. In such situations, the use of outside support may be necessary to prevent further aggressive outbursts and to make everyone in the household (including the individual who was demonstrating the aggression) feel safe. Sometimes (although every situation is certainly different) giving your teen some space and time alone when he’s upset is helpful in preventing such an outburst. This doesn’t mean you don’t ask them to meet certain expectations or avoid having difficult conversations with them… it just means you do it at a time when they are more in control of their emotions, which ultimately leads to a more productive interaction. for both you and your child.

There is certainly much more information out there related to what makes teenagers tick, however this overview is meant to help you as a parent understand what may be going on with your child, which will help you make the best decisions. decisions. you and your family on how to treat your teen effectively. I want to emphasize that while most children go through this isolation or distancing process safely, there are others who experience significant difficulties during this difficult transition period. Some teenage boys start using drugs and/or alcohol as a way to gain confidence in social situations or to manage their mixed emotions. Others become involved in negative peer groups and succumb to the peer pressures associated with criminal activity. As stated above, some lose emotional control and become aggressive and violent. If you have real concerns about such behaviors, you should consult with an expert who can help you determine if you need additional support or help.

As a parent, you know your teen best. Trust your instincts while allowing yourself to be open to understanding what might be going on for them. And, one of the most important things to remember as you deal with the stress that can be associated with parenting a teenager while dealing with everything else in your life, is that you need to take time for yourself, do the things you enjoy, and practice being good. care on a regular basis.