I recently had an awkward experience at a birthday party to which I was invited. In fact, the members of the house completely ignored me and I heard some unhealthy comments about the guest of honor.

Was this behavior casual or downright rude?

Now, having an exchange student, Jana, living with us this year has opened my eyes to a lot of American culture, some good and some not so great.

The way we treat friends and family, for example. What I witnessed at that party was uncomfortable to say the least!

I would never want to do that to a guest in my own home. Or that my son ignores the people who walk through our doors.

But the incident got me thinking: is this standard American behavior? Are we just being casual or are we being incredibly rude, taking people for granted?

Maybe my family is extraordinary. It’s hard to know. I only know that in my large extended family, visitors are treated with hospitality. In fact, we have adopted many “strangers” into our fold over the years!

Before Jana came to stay with us, she was told that Americans are cold by nature. We all want our own space and don’t develop relationships easily.

Now my family is nothing like this. Jana laughed appreciatively when she told her the story of all the children dumped in every corner of my parents’ house for her 50th anniversary party. No one even THOUGHT to stay in a hotel, and we had over 30 kids and adults in the house!

By contrast, my husband’s family always stays in a hotel when they visit because they want their own space.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but I do wonder how we as Americans treat our friends and family. Do we ignore them in the name of “casual life”?

Accordingly, here are some ideas to help us overcome this tendency and honor the people in our lives:

1) Greet your friend or family member when they enter your home. Near the gate is definitely a good idea, especially for first-time visitors. Many times, I greet my guests as they come up the driveway, mostly to scare away the dogs, but also to make sure they know where to go, since our front door is up there.

Jana had just come home from working on this newsletter and I jumped up to turn on the lights and say hello. Gestures like these make a person feel welcome and wanted. She laughed pleased and said, “Did you miss me?”

As I write this, I realize how easy it is to take my husband for granted when he comes home. That’s something I have to work on! How much more appreciated would he feel if I took the time to say hello when he comes home from the office!

2) When guests come, have your children introduce themselves. I am very impressed with the ability of exchange students to do this. They are trained from an early age to introduce themselves to elders by shaking hands firmly.

My son is terribly shy so I often have to help him do this. But still we make the effort. He will get better with practice!

3) Turn off televisions, talk radio, fun computer games, etc. Show that you value your guests by being fully available to them, at least for the first few moments of their stay in your home.

4) Do not hang around a guest, making them uncomfortable by asking if they need something every two minutes. My rule is, “the first night you are a guest, the second day you are part of the family.” Consequently, I serve a guest the first time he is in my house, but after that I point to a cupboard and say: “Help yourself!” This puts them at ease and makes them feel truly part of the family.

5) If you invite a friend or relative to your home, especially for extended stays, don’t make them feel unwanted by sending mixed messages. I remember once a long time ago I went to visit a friend in England. She was really tired of having visitors, but she didn’t want to tell me, thinking it would be rude. But it turned out that I felt so unwelcome that I didn’t even want to be in his house! It would have been better for both of us if she had told me no in the first place so she could have made other arrangements and she could have gotten a lot more rest!

In other words, if you invite people over to your house, act happy to see them, even if you have mixed feelings about it. You said yes, so make the most of it. Otherwise, if you need to say no, it’s best to do it up front.

6) When they leave, walk them to the door or to the car. Stay until you see them walk away. I think this gesture makes people feel more loved. If it’s dark, turn on the lights. I once fell off a step while leaving a friend’s house because it was dark and I was holding my baby! It was a horrible experience and I hurt myself terribly! You don’t want this to happen to your friends and family! Take care of them by providing adequate lighting!

7) Don’t relegate your friends and family to the “last place on your list.” I know we are all incredibly busy, but relationships are important.

Having Jana and her friends around has made my life even busier and my projects haven’t been done as quickly. But then it dawned on me as I was talking to Jana and one of her best friends: I might have missed out on having these wonderful kids here because I felt like I had a lot to do and then I would have had a lot of time. to do my projects. But it would have been miserable! I would have been deeply depressed because of all the hardships we’ve been going through: foreclosure on our rental property, uncertainty with my husband’s job, and now facing bankruptcy.

But instead of dwelling on these tensions, I chose to bless another person by inviting them into our family. And we’ve had a lot of fun doing it! It’s been a real treat showing Jana and her friends her things about her like the Air Force Academy football game, taking a teenage daughter shopping, or going to a dance class with her. These activities, because of the dear people I have shared them with, have made me a much happier person than I otherwise would have been.

My projects will come to fruition over time, but I won’t always have Jana here. Same with my son. I try to enjoy every moment I have with him. Just a few more years and he’ll be an adult! Time flies and before I know it, he’ll be gone!

It is the same with all our relationships. We never know how much time we have with a person.

Like those who boarded the planes on 09/11/2001 or went to work that day at the World Trade Center or the Pentagon. It was just a normal day. But in an instant everything changed. In fact, the whole country changed! Family members who lost their loved ones would have done anything to win back that last moment, when they could have said goodbye. One last hug and “I love you!”

Jana and I have many interesting conversations, especially about the trend in American culture toward workaholism. We work and work and don’t enjoy life TODAY! We do not enjoy the people God has given us. These people are gifts, a treasure.

Treat that person in your life now as a treasure and you will find a great reward. You will indeed reach new heights in your relationships!