Having a live-in maid is a complicated arrangement. For the duration of her employment contract, an adult woman is “adopted” into her home, sharing her private living space. Clearly, such close and constant contact affects the privacy of both the recruiting family and the foreign servant. So it’s surprising that many employers don’t give enough thought and planning to this unique situation, to ensure personal space and privacy for everyone involved.

To live in harmony with your domestic service, you must anticipate your family’s and maid’s privacy concerns, and actively address these issues. This can be a difficult task because most people do not feel comfortable discussing their privacy requirements. Ignoring this uncomfortable topic would be a short-sighted tactic and a sure recipe for conflict later on.

Here are some tips to help you address the issue of privacy with a live-in domestic worker. As employers, husbands and wives must speak openly and prepare before the “stranger” enters their family home. Plan and implement what to do and what not to do to minimize any intrusion into your personal, partner and family life.

1. Adjust your displays of affection

   While holding hands, a quick kiss on the cheek, and snuggling up in front of the TV is probably fine, you’d be wise to keep overtly romantic gestures out of the maid’s sight. Of course, sensitivity and decency are the obvious reasons for confining amorous exploits between spouses to the bedroom. A less obvious but important reason is to avoid any feelings of loneliness and envy of your maid, who is away from her loved ones.

2. dress appropriately

   Some grown men go shirtless while lifting weights and working out at home; some walk from the shower to the cloakroom with only a towel around their waist. Some people undress and throw their clothes directly into the washing machine, wearing nothing or almost nothing next to the washing machine, in the privacy of their own homes. Breastfeeding mothers lose their inhibition when nursing their babies within the four walls of their residence. While natural, such behaviors should be tempered by the presence of a stranger in the house. Different people have different comfort levels for such exhibitionistic behavior, and your servant may come from a markedly more conservative upbringing.

3. Avoid confidential discussions and heated fights in front of the maid.

   Family members sometimes disagree, but always strive to settle disputes in private, without enlisting the maid’s support for either side. She learns to resolve domestic disputes quickly and amicably. Protracted disputes between employers are embarrassing, both for the participants and the witnesses! (A member shares her personal experience on our maid forum [http://www.maidaware.com/forum/index.php?topic=8.msg30#msg30].)

4. Respect the personal space of each occupant of the house

   Everyone should have their own time and space to enjoy private thoughts and activities, such as grooming, leisure, and rest. Promote respect for privacy in your home and seek the cooperation and understanding of your domestic worker to participate in some activities without your participation. For example, you might want to plan a biweekly movie date with your spouse or an outing with the kids to your grandparents’ house without the maid accompanying them. At the same time, respect your maid’s need for free time to meet with her own friends and support her need for regular communication with her family back home.

5. Keep an open channel of communication with your domestic worker

   Our cultural and social conditioning influences our thoughts and behavior. Despite your best intentions and efforts, your maid may be uncomfortable with certain practices in your home. Instead of letting frustration get the best of you, ask for their input from time to time. Sometimes it can be a small, simple matter that is easily resolved once it is disclosed. To cite an example, our maid felt uncomfortable with a neighbor’s harmless interaction with our one-year-old. This old man leaned down to pat our daughter’s head and lull her to sleep. I thought it was a friendly and touching gesture, and he would hold her in my arms while the neighbor talked and played with her. During a recent casual conversation, our maid finally revealed her fear and wariness of such close contact with a stranger. You are concerned about chance encounters with this neighbor. As my employee, she felt compelled to emulate my friendly disposition toward the man, which goes against his basic instincts. Aware of her feeling of “privacy violation”, I spoke politely with the neighbor and quickly and successfully resolved this underlying issue.

Sharing your home with a live-in maid usually involves some sacrifice in personal space and privacy. This is especially so in the small, cramped living spaces of urban apartments for middle-income Asian families. With proper preparation and management, employers and domestic workers can work and live in harmony side by side.

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