It’s the bowling game for all the cheesy colony that 1988 can use.

The Sun Bowl “Brut”, from glorious El Paso, Texas, will not be fought in the trenches, nor through the respiratory tract, but through the nose. Oregon State and Missouri will travel south to the supposedly warm but actually quite tundra-like border town, where cheerleaders will be kitted out in BreatheRight straps, scented candles will replace end zone towers, and Keith Jackson will will pose on the artificial playing surface by parachute. wearing a suit that makes him look less like a New Year’s baby and more like a giant nose. He’ll also be carrying an advance DVD copy of DreamWorks’ new feature, Perfume, which will be handed out to bosses with the most interesting scents in the game of baseball.

State of Oregon and Missouri. Yes, it is always a classic when these two schools get together. Expect. What’s that? The only other time these two schools got together was in 1956, when the Beavers beat the Tigers 19-16, and there was very little olfactory magic involved? Well, it’s never too late for a big intersectional Big 12/Pac-10 rivalry to start trickling down, right?

Right?

Granted, the Sun Bowl doesn’t exactly tantalize the tongue (or nose) with national intrigue. Joe Six-Pack probably couldn’t name a single player on any of these teams. But this is a bowling game that has been played every year since 1935, and it has the longest continuous relationship with a single television network, as the game has been broadcast on CBS since 1968. And the truth is that El Paso almost always sees a good game, and often a very high score. For the past eight years, the average Sun Bowl score has been 31-25, with a pair of one-point wins to start. The energetic air of El Paso clearly brings out the power on offense; UCLA put up 50 at Northwestern last year (while the Wildcats scored 38), and Washington State, Minnesota and Purdue have all eclipsed the 30-point mark here in the past five Sun Bowls.

Oregon State isn’t shy when it comes to scoring. They have posted 30-plus points in five of their last six games, including a 33-31 win over USC, a 30-28 win against Oregon and a 35-32 thriller at high-octane Hawaii. After starting the year 2-3, the Beavers have won seven of their last eight games and covered six of their last eight. Yvenson Bernard, a 5-foot-8 running back in the mold of Jerome Harrison, has been one of the Pac-10’s big surprises the past two years, rushing for more than 1,200 yards and 12 touchdowns in 2006 after amassing 1,321 yards in his sophomore campaign last year. Quarterback Matt Moore has thrown eight touchdowns and zero interceptions since Oregon State’s Oct. 28 upset over then-No. 3 USC, a span of six games.

On the other hand, Missouri began the year 6-0 and was a cause célèbre on the national scene, paradoxically standing out a year after the almighty QB Brad Smith left the Tigers. Unfortunately, that big start came against Murray State, Mississippi, New Mexico, Ohio, Colorado and Texas Tech, none of which were particularly great (Ohio was okay this year, but good in terms of MAC). When the relative iron of Mizzou’s schedule came around, the team lost four of six, including a disheartening five-point loss to Iowa State. Coach Gary Pinkel was recently rewarded with a five-year contract extension, despite the fact that he has been the target of some national speculation in recent years about how bitter Smith became once Pinkel came on board. This year, however, Pinkel helped quarterback Chase Daniel become what Smith never was: a consistent shooter, with 26 touchdown passes and 10 interceptions. Missouri’s high-octane offense averages the 12th-most yards per game in the nation, and Daniel boasted the 10th-most passing yards of any quarterback in Division IA. In that sense, Oregon State could be a good match for Daniel and Missouri. The Beavers only ranked 80th nationally against the pass, allowing a lot of long passing plays. Meanwhile, the Tigers’ secondary would appear to be a better test for Oregon State’s passing attack: They ranked 19th in the nation in terms of passing yards allowed per game.

What stands out to me in this contest, however, is the nature of the Beavers defense’s big-play interests. They intercepted 17 opposing passes this year, making Oregon St. Secondary a true boom-or-bust affair. They also tied nationally for the most turnovers created overall, with 31. The truth is, Chase Daniel has been prone to the big pick this year and has struggled every time Mizzou has lost. While I think the Tigers have a chance to rack up some big plays, I also think the Beavers have a chance to score on defense.

Really, a game like this could go one of two ways. The much hotter team, Oregon State, may go out flat, while the team that tanked in the second half of the regular season, Missouri, may go up in smoke. We’ve all seen that happen plenty of times. Something tells me, though, that OSU coach Mike Riley, in his second term with the Beavers after (among other stops) a stint leading the San Diego Chargers, will be able to keep his guys up and help in this play. go the other way: an extension of the Beavers’ glossy finish. Could Moore be shut down for what has been a statistically pretty good Missouri secondary that hasn’t allowed many big plays this year? Yes. Could Daniel catch fire and pack a ton of offense in what has been an Oregon State pass defense that breaks but doesn’t bend? Yes. But to me, finishing third in the Pac-10 is far more impressive than finishing second in the Big 12 North (and finishing 4-4 ​​in that conference overall). I like the big plays from the Beavers on this one, so I’m sticking with Oregon State (-3) over Missouri.

And well, either way, the winner of this one comes out smelling like pink. Now, you know, something.

Regular Season: Our final pick of the college football regular season, San Jose St. giving up four against Fresno St., was relatively easy coverage, as the Spartans won against the rival Bulldogs, 24-14. That helped us wrap up another successful college football season, going 9-5 overall against the spread. Here’s hoping we can keep it going through bowl season.