“Women who have cared for, guided, supported and loved people who did not give birth (and yes, pets are absolutely included in that). Having a family is not a right; it is a privilege. Sometimes sharing DNA with someone it becomes family, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s about how you treat people. You may have a mother figure in your life, a best friend who is more like a sister, or a boss who has guided you from day one, and that makes woman is as important (and for some, more) as the one who raised you or not”.

The quote above was from an online article titled “Why You Should Celebrate All Women On Mother’s Day” by Jenna Whitecar. This article caught my attention for many reasons.

The debate continues over Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and surely other holidays. I heard how Hallmark created holidays that led all of us Americans to celebrate “fake holidays”; it’s okay that they were “inspired”, I won’t call them “fake”.

I was raised to respect everyone and understand their positions in life. Some people become parents, by nature or by choice; some people live single, others get married; some are lonely, while others long for a family hug. I have led a life filled with the embrace of many family members and have seen the number of family members dwindle. I have seen the same things happen with the extended family. And while I admit I’m not the best person when it comes to holidays, birthdays, card-sending and all, I do believe that when it comes to holidays, the well wishes for the day should be limitless.

For those of you who don’t know my background, I was adopted. The woman I called my mother, Mary Parmel, did not give birth to me. But she and my father saved my life at the ripe old age of five months. No, I’m not implying that the circumstances surrounding my birth were dire; I am simply stating that the two people who went through years of meetings, interviews, house checks and more, provided me with a life that I would not change. My parents gave me a home, shelter, love and family; I was given the gift of knowing that extended family comes in all forms – all of my parents’ childhood friends from Queensbridge Projects became my aunts and uncles – and to this day, living or deceased, all because of the respect for their lives, stories and place in my life.

Knowing that some people put limits on relationships really resonates with me especially on Mother’s Day. My mother was famous for her “her expectations” of her: she could be quite critical when no one she thought should meet those expectations, and she would let you know as well. But the one thing she made sure I knew UNEQUIVOCABLY was this: Respect was paramount.

To this day, I still address all of my aunts and uncles by their titles and names. It’s something that I feel shows respect and honors what my father and mother taught me; It may be an old way of thinking, but respect equals nurturing those special relationships.

On a day like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, the debate rages over whether or not to wish someone who does not have children good wishes for the day.

“Women who have cared for, guided, supported, and loved people who didn’t give birth (and yes, pets are absolutely included in that).” I have taught hundreds of students (some who have liked me, some who have hated me, and some who still call me “Miss Parmel”); I’ve employed over 65 people who have called me by “Jane” (and probably a few other names I can’t put in a “G” rated blog post), who call me to this day, asking for guidance, answers and support. for themselves and their new ventures; And I even had a puppy that proved that I can actually take care of a living creature!”

Having a family is not a right; it’s a privilege”.

My mother and father believed this wholeheartedly; the rest of their families did as well, creating their families through adoption many times over.

“You may have a mother figure in your life, a best friend who is more like a sister, or a boss who has guided you from day one, and that woman is just as important (and to some, more) than the one who made it. “. or she didn’t raise you.”

Marie, Marie-Ange, Liz, Rae, Janet, Lucille, Margie, Suzy, Peggy, Aunt Mary D., Aunt Lil, Barbara, Theresa, Pina, Lella, Elina, Susan; Aunt Flo, Aunt Marie, Marvy, Carmen. Just a few of the names that have filled “the family” over the past half century.

So debate if you want, ignore nurturing, ignore community value, deny another’s journey. It is completely up to you. Acknowledging what position someone has held in your life and the place you occupy in your heart should never be up for debate. Wish them a happy whatever the day.

“Sometimes sharing DNA with someone makes you family and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s all about how you treat people.”